Dylan is 18 years old today. He's an adult. He can buy a shotgun. He can vote. He can fight for our country. He can even adopt a child. Yesterday he couldn't legally watch an adult movie. Today he can star in one. There are an unlimited number of decisions Dylan will have the freedom to make for himself from this point onward. I would ague that most or all of them will be in some way guided by his mom, the most influential person in his life. There are many different ways Jenny shaped and molded Dylan. Too many, in fact, to mention. But, here are 18 of them.
1. Scouts. Ever since first grade, Scouts played an important role in Dylan's life, teaching him life skills, leadership and, most importantly, giving him structure. Jenny, far more than anyone else, stood by Dylan's side and helped him complete his scouting requirements across the more than 11 years he was a part of the organization. Dylan's achieving the highest rank in Scouts is the result of a collaborative effort with Jenny.
2. Music appreciation. Jenny is to be credited for both Dylan's producing music and for his frequently attending live musical performances. She rented out a professional studio for Dylan to record his trumpet music. It wasn't so that he would win any prizes (he didn't win anything for this effort) but for the experience. She also coached Dylan through several auditions, bringing satisfaction to both mother and son. Multiple times, Jenny played the piano (photo below) to accompany Dylan at his performances. As for listening, Jenny scoped out symphony performances that would appeal to Dylan, such as the music of world-class trumpeter Mark Inouye. Jenny would take Dylan to concerts at Stanford's Bing Concert Hall, in San Francisco, and venues in between.
3. Confidence. As much as anything else for Dylan, Jenny wanted him to believe in himself. Her approach was largely "confidence through competence". Even if a final exam wouldn't Dylan's grade, she wanted him to finish strong. She reminded him about posture. Any trumpeter knows they should play upright. Jenny saw to this by making sure his music stand was properly adjusted to his height, so his chest would stick out both literally and figuratively.
4. Expressiveness. In Dylan's words:
Mom encouraged me to speak my mind (respectfully) and share my ideas
Told me to participate in class discussions
Often said that it is unhealthy to bottle up emotions
Made clear nothing will change without voicing ideas: “It’s unproductive to complain without suggesting an alternative”
5. Study habits. Jenny taught Dylan a methodical, process oriented approach to school. Check what exactly is being asked for. Make sure the name is on the homework. Turn everything in on time. These sound basic, but they can nevertheless be challenging for a teenage boy. Jenny assumed nothing and made sure these were done. Dylan eventually came around on his own. As a result surprises (such as missing assignments, forgotten quizzes quiz dates etc.) are down more than 80% his senior year.
6. Writing skills. While receiving minimal positive feedback for his writing at school, Jenny relentlessly coached him at night for several hours every week. Jenny always preached when writing, describe your thoughts in detail. Go in depth. Provide examples. Put yourself in the readers shoes. By carrying Dylan on her back, he achieved fives on the AP English Composition and AP American History tests--two of the hardest exams for which to receive the highest mark.
7. Organization. When I asked Dylan about Jenny's influence on him, this was the first thing he mentioned. I'll again use his words:
Mom taught me to become more organized
Often told me to clean my room, closet, and backpack
Said she wanted to prepare me for when I had to live by myself, specifically during college
8. Sustainability. To this day Dylan always asks me for help whenever he's holding a plastic or glass container that needs to be dispositioned. He's uncomfortable throwing items into the trash that could possibly be re-used or recycled. This need for proper disposition or materials was etched into Dylan's brain by Jenny.
9. Values. It's well established that a former CEO of my once great company, Intel, personally drove it into the ground during his tenure. He fired extraordinarily talented managers who disagreed with him, lost Intel's process lead to TSMC, and had an extramarital affair with a subordinate. All that aside, though, I asked Dylan a simple question: Would you be willing to be known as the guy who turned Intel into a massive failure in exchange for $25 million? He shook his head right away and said, "No, I wouldn't want that." That was Jenny's value system talking.
10. Nourishment. Dylan does not like milk. He also doesn’t like vegetables. However, he has both every day because he knows it’s what his mom wanted him to have. He will go off to college and just like many teenage college students, he will eat whatever he wants. However, if he skips milk and his vegetables, it will at least be with a little bit of guilt. :-)
11. Situational leadership. Jenny provided opportunities for Dylan to take leadership positions that he otherwise otherwise would not have wanted to take. There were many opportunities in Scouts, of course (Patrol Leader, Assistant Patrol Leader, project lead), but one that stands out to me was Dylan's role, which Jenny found, as head football coach for an elementary school football team. For that he had to give direction (whether it be strategy, drills, etc.) to a group of kids who wouldn't listen. He had their respect by the end of the season, though, giving Dylan a giant group hug and begging him to return.
12. Worldly experiences. Jenny initiated and planned every single vacation we ever took. In doing so, she brought Dylan to see the world. From bicycle tours through Tokyo, Austin, and Santa Cruz, to snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, to Dylan's favorite: just body surfing at the beach in Hawaii. Such experiences are some of Dylan's most positive memories and will forever shape his view of the world.
13. Love for reading and curiosity. For the past several years, Dylan would often escape to our library, which is made up mostly of Jenny‘s books. Sometimes when I walk into the library, I find books scattered around, and I know that it was Dylan who was browsing. Sometimes he'd bring books back to his room and, at other times, he’d sink into the big leather chair for hours, absorbed in a newfound treasure from the shelf. It was Jenny who provided easy access to quality reading materials for Dylan. I believe this love for reading which Jenny cultivated will shape his life as much as anything else that his parents have done for him.
14. Physical fitness. Dylan has long been one of the faster runners in his grade. Yet, his inclination has been to shy away from exercise. Jenny required Dylan to bike to and from school every day, asked him to join her in "Reps to the Rhythm" (her favorite exercise channel on YouTube), and drove Dylan to exercise with weights, especially over the summers.
15. Manners. When I asked Dylan about his mom's positive influence, he said she, "taught me to maintain eye contact", and "to talk during family gatherings." Dylan engages others more than anyone else in the family. indeed, at just about any social occasion involving all of us, Dylan is the family's ambassador.
16. Thankfulness. Jenny often pressed the Pause button on our busy lives and asked us to think what we should be thankful for. This made an impact on Dylan, who was never one to take the positive aspects of his life for granted. By the way, the three things he's most grateful for are his family, his health and that we can afford to address his basic needs.
17. Time management. Jenny was the consummate planner and tried her best to pass along this talent to Dylan. She sat down with Dylan weekly to look at school assignments and extra-curriculars for the upcoming seven days. She also influenced Dylan to use his school planner and electronic calendar.
18. College choices. Wherever Dylan decides to go for college it will have been due at least in part to Jenny's influence. The list of colleges that Dylan is applying to was developed together with his mom. And, all of his top choices became so because of college tours for Dylan that Jenny arranged.
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