We celebrated my dear wife's life Saturday night. The more than 90 attendees and the distance many of them traveled only begins to show how deeply Jenny touched so many. Friends and relatives came from as far as England, the East Coast and the Midwest just for this day to be with us and to celebrate Jenny.
A close friend of Jenny's in our neighborhood hosted the celebration. For several weeks, Jenny's friends in our community got together to plan every detail of the event and they missed nothing. To list just a few items of what they prepared and brought: the purple orchids sitting at every table to show off Jenny's favorite color; the drink stations manned by friends of the host, the bouquets of flowers, the tables dedicated to hold programs, name tags and, yes, tissue packs for those inevitable tears; the memory cards for guests to write down their thoughts about Jenny; the linens, purchased for this event and freshly washed to get rid of any wrinkles; neighborhood residents who didn't know Jenny but came specifically to heat up the food; the remembrance table to hold Jenny's items that reflected her daily life; the beautifully printed signs to point the way through the house for anyone needing relief of any sort.
Several dads pitched in to provide the muscle to set up the more than dozen dinner tables and associated chairs, umbrellas and their rock-heavy bases. The host provided the audio and video equipment so anyone who wanted to speak could be heard. Two large flat-screens displayed the slideshow expertly composed by my sister-in-law that drenched many napkins with tears. The point I wish to make is, this event was a community effort in every way. Jenny's friends cheerfully pulled together to take on this monumental task out of love. It was their gift to her and her family.
For me, the most emotional part of the night was listening to the speakers. Andrew very wisely asked me to find friends and associates from Jenny's past to give their perspectives. We heard about the brother-sister rumbles--but also, of course, the love--in the Ko household in Upstate New York. I was moved by his speech and not only saw a new side of Jenny, but one of my dear brother-in-law, too. The tribute drawing the most emotion out of me came from Jenny's wedding party, the members of which she met during her law school days. They talked of how Jenny had a positive impact on her friends at UCLA by, for example, introducing them to baseball, leading fun discussions about guys and exposing them to great food. What I remember most, though, were their stories of the earliest part of my relationship with Jenny.
Jenny's former manager flew across the continent to deliver a speech about Jenny at work. I loved hearing him, as he described the Jenny I really didn't get to see much of. Multiple times, he talked of how Jenny fought hard for her client and her company to get what was fair. That's Jenny, and I could have told anyone that. But, it was great hearing someone else say it. Then, of course, there were three of her local friends whom Jenny saw most often who fought back tears to describe their activities with Jenny, their fond memories, and the joy she brought them. From what I saw at home, Jenny stood out as a friend as much as she did a wife and mom. And, that's saying something.
Dylan and Tyler delivered the eulogy I wrote for Jenny. Not much to say here about that, but anyone visiting this website often enough will be able to offer a good guess at what I wrote. This was followed by an open mic session and, again, it was delightful to hear perspectives on Jenny. Two relatives and a friend spoke.
After the extraordinarily well produced, emotionally exhausting slideshow, we got to the fun stuff. Andrew led a Name That Tune game in Jenny's honor featuring her favorite genres of music: rock and pop from the 70s and 80s, musicals and classical music. Over and over again after dinner I heard how much guests loved that part of the program. It uplifted the crowd after an emotionally heavy 75 minutes. One great part about it is, based on the performance of the guests, gifts to Jenny's favorite causes will be made. (To find out the results, please see my subsequent blog post!)
The evening featured a celebration of life, an expression of love and, also, a family reunion. Three of them, in fact. One each from Jenny's mom's side of the family, Jenny's dad's and, quite surprisingly, my mom's. Yes, my three cousins and I were reunited for the first time in 22 years. The last time we were together, as it turned out, was when Jenny and I got married.
It was a night I was admittedly worried about, but ultimately a night I'll forever be fond of and will always remember. If this gift from her friends, brother and sister-in-law wasn't an expression of immense love, then I'm afraid I don't know what is.
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