HOW WE ARE DOING

The three of us at Waimea Canyon in Kauai last month

Friends and family literally from all over the world have been reaching out to us to offer support, personal stories of Jenny and an uplifting message here and there which they send "just because". I, in turn, have been largely pretty bad about returning their emails, texts and phone calls. I will get back to everyone. But, in the meantime, here, in fun-fact format, is a summary of how the three of us are doing. I didn't quite know how many facts to include. But, since it's August, my anniversary month, and I married Jenny in 2000, I'll pick the number "23". So, here are 23 updates on us:

1. Dylan and Tyler have been my source of strength. They text to ask if I'm OK throughout the day if they're not with me. They come running to hold me whenever I'm sobbing, which is often. My doc told me it's healthy to cry in front of the kids, as it gives them permission to be vulnerable. The fact is, though, they're worried about me much more than they are about themselves.

2. We have a puppy named Skeeter. He will become a one-year-old on Tuesday the 7th. Come late September, he will be the only one with me in this otherwise empty house. He's a golden doodle and makes a great emotional support dog.

3. Tyler's beloved Oakland A's are slated to leave for Las Vegas for the 2025 season. He has been an avid follower of the "reverse-boycott" movement, which calls for the owner to sell the team so the A's can stay in Oakland. Tyler brought me and Dylan into the fold. We've been going to reverse-boycott A's games this summer.

A's reverse boycott baseball game, July 25, 2023. This was held at the Giants' home field, Oracle Park. Yet, note the number of A's fans behind me who showed up!

4. Dylan has become my TV-watching buddy, filling a role once held by Jenny. We finished watching Money Heist on Netflix. It's our all-time favorite series. We eagerly anticipate the next installment of Lupin.

5. I learned how to cook. Most commonly, I use the skillet to fry up from pork chops or fish. I season the meat and serve with Kinders burger sauce from Costco. The kids love it. I've also been making omelets for Dylan.

6. I have a private website for Jenny where I submit short posts for her eyes only. I do this maybe four or five times per week, hoping she'll catch something. She definitely knows the password to view it.

7. I try to remember Jenny would want me to be happy. It was at first hard for me to understand this concept (Is it ok to be happy without feeling guilty?). But then, when we were in Hawaii, we kept Skeeter at Citydog, a dog hotel that has webcams so we could always see him. I really wanted to see Skeeter be happy. It didn't matter if it was with another dog, another person or just a toy. It was then that I finally understood the concept of what a loving spouse would want. I'm doing a crappy job of being happy right now, but I always try to think about what tomorrow might bring.

8. Without naming names, I'm no longer the heaviest in our family, a status I held for more than 18 years.

9. My proudest accomplishment over the past 13 months is that I threw the twins a graduation party in June. I invited their closest friends from school and their families. We took out from L&L Barbecue (and had leftovers for weeks). So, I didn't cook anything or make any party favors. And, I didn't do it all alone. But, I led a project without the twins' help where nearly 30 guests came over to our house to celebrate the twins' accomplishment and to admire Jenny's backyard. She always wanted to use our house to entertain. We finally did it.

The boys' graduation party June 24 in Jenny's backyard. I planned it for that weekend to take my mind off the anniversary of losing Jenny.

10. To assure he will have the right hardware for being an engineering major in college, Tyler built his own computer. He sourced parts from multiple vendors and scoured the internet to procure a heat sink, 64 GB of RAM, a terabyte of storage and an eight-hour battery to make a powerhouse of a machine.

11. I miss Jenny so much that I can't bring myself to dispose of any of her belongings. These include her clothes, her bike helmet, even her toothbrush and her half-used bottle of conditioner (and none of us guys in the house use conditioner). I need her possessions around me. They make me feel better. I'm very far from being able to let go.

12. I started taking Wellbutrin, the first time I've ever tried an anti-depressant. For the first couple of weeks, it made me hyper-aware and I noticed a certain clarity of thought. I felt it made me face the magnitude of the tragedy of losing Jenny. As bad as I thought it was, my grief became even worse when I could think about Jenny so clearly. But, five weeks into it, I find the pain has been blunted a bit.

13. A tremendous amount of emotional help came from friends who I never thought would care for us so deeply. And, a friend or two who I thought would be with me through thick and thin more or less disappeared. I hear this is common. I was listening to a podcast a month ago where the guest said, "If you endure a transition in life and you go from 100 hundred friends to five, don't look at it like you lost 95 friends. Be grateful you now know who your real friends are. And, you happen to have five of them." That resonated with me.

14. Dylan is now certified to give CPR. The training was part of his becoming a camp counselor for his orchestra. He had the time of his life at that camp, by the way.

15. I'm staying in touch with the kids' high school. I will be a STEM tutor there in the fall.

16. Although the boys don't start school for another six weeks, they're already leading lives of their own. Most nights, I'm not really sure how many I'm cooking for. They leave the house spontaneously to be with their friends. They took a buddy trip to Carmel a couple of weeks ago.

17. My second-proudest accomplishment was planning a trip to Kauai for the three of us. Jenny always did all of the planning of our vacations. And, this being the first time I've ever been to that island without Jenny, it was emotionally trying. Everything I saw there, I associated with her. But, we managed to do a lot of Kauai activities: kayaking, hiking, biking, hanging out under waterfalls, etc.

18. A couple of weeks ago, a buddy of mine in Hawaii spotted a photo of me and Dylan on the side of a truck in Honolulu. We took the photo back in 2006 in Hayward.

Dylan and I in a Kaiser ad. This was spotted in July in Ohahu.

19. Dylan and I have established a Saturday routine: Trumpet lesson at 12:40, followed by a trip to Krispy Kreme and then Costco. Saturdays will never be the same after he leaves for college.

20. Tyler continues to work at a local sports card shop Saturdays and Sundays. It's his first and only job. Jenny helped him get it.

21. A couple of months ago, Dylan and I witnessed a car running a red light, hitting a bicyclist who was crossing the street. Dylan jumped out of our Audi, made sure the bicyclist would eventually be OK, then ran in a mad sprint after the culprit, who was fleeing the scene. He whipped out his phone and took a photo of the license plate. Seeing that Dylan captured his license plate, the driver pulled aside. Dylan then told the driver he needed to go back to the scene of the accident and talk to the police, who had just arrived. Dylan then told an officer what he saw. A true Eagle Scout!

22. Tyler continues to do an amazing job taking care of Jenny's plants both inside the house and outside. He's even taking care of her cuttings. And, he's duly thrilled whenever he revives a plant from the brink.

Tyler works his magic on Jenny's cuttings. He has been a miracle worker.

23. By both physical volume and dollar volume, the single food item our family buys the most of at Costco is Taquitos by El Monterey. It's important that it's by El Monterey. The boys will accept no substitute.