It has been two years to the day since I lost my dear wife and the twins lost their dear mom. Last year we reflected back on that awful day as well as Jenny's memory. While we of course are holding her memory dear in our hearts, this year the three of us are trying to also look forward. We're doing so hand-in-hand with Jenny, carrying with us her memory and what she taught us. What follows are some of the ways--big and small--that Jenny continues to influence our daily lives-now and forever:
Orchids--Jenny once took me to a class that taught how to take care of orchids. In the wild, orchids often live in forests where there is heavy rain for a short period of time to be followed by dry weather. To mimic this, Jenny would put her orchids in the kitchen sink once each week and drench them with water and let them drain. I continued this tradition and, it appears, I'm keeping her plants alive!
Crossword puzzles and word games--Jenny brought the New York Times word games to our lives. And, to this day, we three boys play the NYT word games every day. Though accounts differ on how this all got started, I remember Jenny first playing the NYT Spelling Bee with the kids when waiting in a long line to order dinner. The point is, though, Jenny used word games as a bonding activity. And, even if Dylan was hours away at college, we still played Connections together. Indeed, we have an 87-day winning streak going!
Causes--To this day, I still stick to the four non-profits that Jenny cared about the most: Doctors Without Borders, CASA Silicon Valley, Fistula Foundation and Partners in Health. I have personally corresponded with two of them, even receiving handwritten letters in appreciation of Jenny's generosity. What was important to her is important to me, so I'm not giving to any causes other than Jenny's. However, one 501(c)3 rating service she always trusted was Charity Navigator.
Showering at night--OK, I know this is a weird one, but this was transformative for me. Before I got married, I always showered when I got up. After adopting a similar schedule to Jenny's shortly after our wedding, I saw the benefits of cleaning up at night. I'm sure the debate has been raging since the dawn of mankind--is it better to bathe first thing in the morning or last thing at night? I'll just say all four of us wanted to keep our sheets clean when we went to bed, especially after a hot day. It's also been nice having one less thing to worry about in the morning.
Conserving energy--Always considerate of environmental impact, Jenny set up rules of the house that led to well above-average energy conservation. She used racks to dry her clothes outside in the sun. If she was the only one in the house during a cold winter day, she would use a space heater. Windows kept open overnight in the summer would usually keep the house cool throughout the day. And, we avoided doing the laundry during the peak hours of 4 pm to 9 pm.
Calendar notices--Some might call it eerie how Jenny's calendar notices still pop up reminding me to pay property taxes or remembering a birthday. However, I see it as Jenny connecting with me and gently reminding me of things I need to do. Just like when we were married.
Music--Dylan is still playing trumpet. Tyler is still playing piano. Both find comfort in their music. It was Jenny who initiated and supported their musical pursuits. 'Nuff said.
Collecting state quarters--Inspired by the coin-collecting merit badge for Scouts, Jenny got Dylan a state-quarter collection book. He's still trying to fill it to this day. We're convinced that some quarters are much rare than others. During his first year at UCSB, he collected more than 20 such quarters. After bringing him home, he realized they didn't fill any existing gaps in his collection. :(
Of course, there's so much more that Jenny has given that stays with us today: Using bikes for transportation whenever possible, her care for her car (which I still use to this day), the zany color scheme in our house (guests always note with astonishment that the walls of the family room, dining and kitchen are all painted a burnt orange--a color chosen by Jenny and, because of that very fact, we're sticking with it), our current paper filing system, the podcasts we listen to, gathering clothes for donation, demonstrating calmness under pressure, getting out and socializing just for the sake of socializing, proper use of words (such as lie vs. lay, shall vs. will and also to never to write run-on sentences like this one). There's so much more. There are stories behind these and I'll get to some of them in future posts. But, for today, let's please remember what Jenny taught us and the goodness she exemplified for us. It is because of her that we continue to be better people.
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